youre lurking in front of me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
