my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Be still, my beating vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
