the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
false alarm, still single
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
