just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
