You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
