i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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