Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
