You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
