Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
