Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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