is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
