Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
