ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
