Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
