so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
