shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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