When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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