my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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