so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
