HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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