Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
