this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FUCK WHALES
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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