Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
