I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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