i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
