Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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