I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
