i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
