She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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