So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
