Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You're like the curious george of whores
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
