just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
