Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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