please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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