there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
