I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
