There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
