I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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