it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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