I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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