I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
