I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
