i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
