I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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