the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He shit in the fireplace
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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