On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
