I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
