YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
