your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
