We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
