i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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