just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
