i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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