My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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