I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
