I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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