So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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