Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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