are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
