I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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