If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
