I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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