Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
