I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize