I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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