i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
