I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
