decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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