I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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