Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
