I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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