At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
