i permit you to call me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
