Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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