Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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