I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
