...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
