Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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