Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
