lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
