how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
