Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
