The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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