Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
