Don't make out with my wife yet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
