he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
