why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
